CHOOSE LIFE: One Way to Move Past Trauma
Auset had just experienced one of the most devastating traumas no woman wants to go through. The unexpected, violent death of the man she loved with all her heart and all her soul! How was she going to survive this? Where was she going to find the will to continue to live herself? It was really, actually too much!
But she was still here! She was still the Queen. She still had responsibilities.
At some point, after the pain of her grief, like a knife stuck in her heart, eased enough to allow her to move beyond her bed and the bathroom, Auset got up.
The first thing she had to do was decide that she would keep living. What did it mean to choose life?
It meant a willingness to live through the pain. It meant at some point to forgive her brother-in-law. It meant doing what needed to be done whether she felt like it or not.
It meant accepting the fact that her beloved was gone and no human power could bring him back.
After accepting this new reality, Auset needed closure. And the only way to achieve that was to find her husband’s body. She needed to be able to say good-bye.
I do not pretend to know the depth of loss for those who experienced what Auset did.
I have not experienced the death of a beloved spouse, but I have been through a divorce. My heart has felt the deep wound of death. Not the physical loss of a loved one, but the spiritual and emotional death of a sacred union. The difference was that after the divorce, the wound was opened over and over again because we had children.
So I experienced having to make the decision of whether I was going to continue to live myself. And, after months of crying into my pillow every night after the children had gone to bed, it became clear that I could, and that I would indeed -- live. Others had been through what I had and moved on with their lives – after a while. If they could do it, so could I. And like Auset and many others, I had the motivation of responsibilities – 3 beautiful children, other family and friends, work.
After that decision, acceptance was the key. It was the catalyst to getting up again.
How do we accept that which we don’t want, didn’t ask for, didn’t think would ever happen to us?
First acceptance is not agreement. Is does not condone, excuse or gloss over something. Acceptance means to acknowledge and admit that this is what is true. Acceptance is being honest with ourselves.
This is one application of the MAATian principal of Truth.
Truth is the first step to spiritual freedom.
In addition to crying, lamenting and complaining to God, we can talk to people who love us and listen to us every time we need to tell our story again. We can write down what we’re feeling and why. We can take a walk outside, do some yoga, or do a sweaty workout. We can create something of beauty that words could not express, unless of course we are writers. We can write a poem or a story or color in a coloring book or dance or clean a room in our home.
We are the only one who make the decision to choose life for ourselves. Because Auset chose life for herself, she was able to get up and do what she wanted and needed to do next.
If she could do it, we can too!
One of the ways I choose life is doing yoga.
What are some ways you choose life for yourself? Share in the comments section below.